Jessica just emailed this to me and I thought it was really funny...and true:)
Articles of Faith of Mormon Culture
1. We believe in SUVs and minivans, as the form of transportation, and inknee length shorts, which are always nice, and in the multilevel marketing.
2. We believe that church ball players should be punished for their ownfouls, and not for unsportsmanlike aggression.
3. We believe that through bread crumbs, cheese, creamy soups, and rice allcasseroles can be saved through obedience to ward cookbooks and creativityin the mixing bowl.
4. We believe that the first layers and ingredients of the Dip are: first,beans; second, cheese; third, chopped tomatoes; fourth, the gift of sourcream; fifth, olives; sixth, salsa; seventh, guacamole, that is, if you haveit.
5. We believe that a Mormon should have a distinguished or a cute name, thatit is appropriate to name a child after a church leader or a historicalfigure including an ancestor, that alternative spellings and French prefixesonly add to a name, and that when referring to the names of GeneralAuthorities, middle initials should be a part thereof.
6. We believe in the same wall decor that exists in many Mormon homes,namely, framed family proclamations, vinyl lettering, inspirational wordsigns, family photos, pictures of temples and Jesus, and so forth.
7. We believe in the gift of the re-gift, church books, crafts, familyphotos, baked goods, emergency supply kits, and so forth.
8. We believe in sparkling grape juice so long as it is nonalcoholic; wealso believe in bringing root beer and sprite to ward parties.
9. We believe in all that we have scrapbooked, all that we will nowscrapbook, and we believe that we will yet scrapbook many great andimportant things pertaining to our family, friends, pets, and vacations.
10. We believe in the literal mixing of ketchup and mayo and in the generousapplication of ranch dressing; that CBAs (church-based acronyms) will beused to describe YM/YW, PEC, the Y, NCMO, and CTR; that Mitt Romney will getMormons to vote for him any time he runs; and, that the Mormons will enjoyreading Twilight and The Work and the Glory.
11. We claim the privilege of trying to identify common acquaintances withany visitor at church, and allow all other people at church the sameprivilege, and let them name drop the names of Famous and generalauthorities how, where, or what they may.
12. We believe in being subject to scoutmasters, pampered chef hostesses,and the writers of the U.S. News and World Report Rankings for professionalschools, and in obeying, honoring, and sustaining Glenn Beck.
13. We believe in being above average, good at crafts, optimistic, and beingfifteen minutes late everywhere we go. Indeed, we may say that we follow BYUfootball. We believe rumors about famous people joining the church, we hopeto meet the three Nephites, we have endured many pyramid schemes, and hopeto be able to endure all pyramid schemes. If there is anything cheap, free,sold in bulk, or given away when somebody is moving, we seek after thesethings.
Storm Damage and Shop Destroyed
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